For the nights when the voices come instead of sleep,
For the nights when your walls turn to rivers,
Remember one thing: you're bigger than they are.
They're there and they're loud, and they're screaming but they're not big. They just sound big because it's so empty in
here.
They are echoes. They
are not you. You are not the demons and you don't belong to them, no, they
they belong to you
You are not how you feel at three am, in fact you are not your feelings. Your feelings are just the side effects of having a hurricane sitting above your shoulders. You feel their fingernails as they pass but that doesn't make you the marks it makes you
real.
You're alive at three am and you're feeling this.
there's two of you in this duel and only one can win before the sun comes up and shows you that the ghosts are gone for now.
You know they hide during the day because they're cowards, right? When the sun shows its face and shows you yours in that broken mirror, they flee from the eye contact because they can't handle all that supernova inside there.
You.
The demons are afraid of you. the ghosts are hiding in the closet because they're scared of you not because you're scared of them. You don't know they're on a leash and the end of that leash is in your hand but
they know.
yank it. Tie it. Don't let them tie you up at the wrists. don't let them run free in a place that doesn't belong to them, it's not a playground it's a
battlefield.
an executioner's block on which their blood will be shed because they don't own the burning bush behind your forehead, you do. Tell them to take off their shoes it's
sacred ground. In there.
you're not three am. you're just passing through. I'm just passing through. The place where our eyes burn and our chest hollows out and fills with all the things we never said, could have said, the things we never should have said, things we did, things we wish we had an eraser for, the dark places,
we don't live there
we're just passing through ok? Don't give out your name or your number, don't settle in because you're not staying here. You're going to breathe in and breathe out in that sacred skin and you're going to keep walking in the direction of the dawn. And you're going to remember that the sun is coming up to illuminate the shapes that make up your face and remind you that you are outer space wrapped up in flesh like a Christmas present. You are an IED. You are ripping apart at the seams with a world we don't know about,
a place only you can take us. show us.
You're bigger than them.
They can only hurt you if you tell them where the knives are. You don't belong to them. They're the invaders. The debris in the hurricane is not the hurricane, it's just something it picked up from somewhere else.
you are not what happens in your hurricane at three am and you are not alone in that place however much you might feel like you are. we are there together and we are bigger than they are.
lOVE
kATE
KKKAAAATTTTEEEEEE!!!! dude what is this??? I can't handle your writing. I just don't understand how this could come out of a hUMAN BRAIN. WHO ARE YOU??? this is so touching and just asdfghjkl. I can't handle this. <3
ReplyDeleteOh my goshh :') thank you, Aaliyah, IM GONNA CRY OVER HERE, YOU. thank you
Delete^ AALIYAH SAID IT PERFECTLY. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COME UP WITH ALL OF THESE MASTERPIECES.
ReplyDeleteAgh. I can't handle it, I just can't. XD Perfect. Perfect perfect perfect. That's honestly all that I can say. <3 <3 <3 *sends you millions of hugs and waffles*
*sends you millions of waffles and hugs and whipped cream and doughnuts*
Delete:''') GRACE ANNE, YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING <3 thank you!
Your writing is so gorgeous and this is beautiful. This was amazing and now I have all the emotions <3 Thank you for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
http://whimsicalthoughtss.blogspot.com/
Thank you soo much, Elizabeth :''') so encouraged by your sweet words
Deletehaven't been following your blog for too long, and your posts are always awesome, but this - I have so much love for this. <3 I needed to hear it, and to share it with people too. you've really got powerful encouragement, empathy, and a gift to touch people right where it's important in your writing!
ReplyDeleteAndrea, your comment touched my heart and filled it with joy. Your words mean so so SO much. :') I am so blessed. Thank you so much, supernova girl!
DeleteKATE. KATE. Kate. This is so beautiful, okay, and so much exactly how I feel. How it feels to live in a mind that won't let you rest. You have managed to not only articulate what it feels like to play soldier in your head, but also managed to paint a perfect picture of hope. Amazing. Just amazing.
ReplyDelete"an executioner's block on which their blood will be shed because they don't own the burning bush behind your forehead, you do."
"don't tell them where the knives are
turn on the light."
^^fave lines right there
"How it feels to live in a mind that won't let you rest" soooo much solidarity rn. Dang dang dang. <3 it's an exhausting freaking life in the mind. XD Your words literally are life to my bones. LOVE YOU, GIRL.
DeleteYOU ARE INCREDIBLE.
ReplyDeleteSO ARE YOU <3
Delete*SSSSSSSSSCCCCCRREEEEEAAAAMMMMMSSSS*
ReplyDeleteim actually screaming this is FIRE (IS THERE A STRONGER WORD THAN THAT BECAUSE I NEED IT RIGHT NOW) LIKE. DANG. I DON'T HAVE WORDS.
ReplyDeletehonestly you are just like such an awesome human i can't even handle the fact that God hand crafted you i'm freaking out xxx
ReplyDeleteliterally the tears were stinging as I read your comments. <3 Thank you so much, girl, My heart is so full rn. You are a supernova human.
DeleteThis is beautiful and strong and true and so so brave. And important. Kate, you are writing things that MATTER. (And ps you are so cool. I die.) Love this.
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE THE COOLEST OLIVIA. :') you've no idea how much that means to me. So encouraged <3
DeleteKATIEEEEEEEEEEE
ReplyDeletethis is absolutely gorgeous.
like tears and feels gorgeous.
So please keep writing. We love your words. Know that you are being used in amazing ways.
xoxoxoxo,
-elissa
oh my goodnessss, thank you so much. I can't even describe how much your comment made my day, Elissa.
DeleteI've only just found your blog but I know that I'll be a regular. This it so close to home in my soul. The words that poured of your heart are some we could all use to hear quite often. Never stop writing!
ReplyDeletexx,
JacyRayn
*opens mouth*
ReplyDelete*closes mouth*
*DIES*
WWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAT. DID. I. JUST. READ.
not even kidding i was CRYING. i didn't even realize until i read i for like, the FOURTH time how much i REALLY REALLY needed to hear this.
"you are not the demons" <THAT.
please don't ever stop writing. PLEASE. this is beautiful.
AMAZING. Are there any other words?
ReplyDeleteI need more words
oh my goodness, *i* need more words because thank you isn't enough <3 so blessed
DeleteI needed this this week. Thank you for writing this. "They are echoes. They
ReplyDeleteare not you. You are not the demons and you don't belong to them....you're not three am. you're just passing through" I need to remind myself of this more often.
Elizabeth Anne, thank you so much <3 I feel so blessed that this meant something to you-- and your words means soo so so much to me <3
DeleteThis is incredible. So real and true and so very important to remember. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSerena | poetree
Thank you SO much, Serena! ♥ that means a lot to me
DeleteKate! Tagged you! <3
ReplyDeleteThank youuu! <3
DeleteThis is so hard to remember sometimes.
ReplyDeleteBut, ah. Reading this gave me wings!
♥ your sweet words give me wings
Delete