I bet I can scream louder than you



For the nights when the voices come instead of sleep,
For the nights when your walls turn to rivers,

Remember one thing: you're bigger than they are.

They're there and they're loud, and they're screaming but they're not big. They just sound big because it's so empty in

here.

They are echoes. They
are not you. You are not the demons and you don't belong to them, no, they

they belong to you

You are not how you feel at three am, in fact you are not your feelings. Your feelings are just the side effects of having a hurricane sitting above your shoulders. You feel their fingernails as they pass but that doesn't make you the marks it makes you

real.

You're alive at three am and you're feeling this.

there's two of you in this duel and only one can win before the sun comes up and shows you that the ghosts are gone for now.

You know they hide during the day because they're cowards, right? When the sun shows its face and shows you yours in that broken mirror, they flee from the eye contact because they can't handle all that supernova inside there.

You.

The demons are afraid of you. the ghosts are hiding in the closet because they're scared of you not because you're scared of them. You don't know they're on a leash and the end of that leash is in your hand but

they know.

yank it. Tie it. Don't let them tie you up at the wrists. don't let them run free in a place that doesn't belong to them, it's not a playground it's a

battlefield.

an executioner's block on which their blood will be shed because they don't own the burning bush behind your forehead, you do. Tell them to take off their shoes it's

sacred ground. In there.

you're not three am. you're just passing through. I'm just passing through. The place where our eyes burn and our chest hollows out and fills with all the things we never said, could have said, the things we never should have said, things we did, things we wish we had an eraser for, the dark places,

we don't live there

we're just passing through ok? Don't give out your name or your number, don't settle in because you're not staying here. You're going to breathe in and breathe out in that sacred skin and you're going to keep walking in the direction of the dawn. And you're going to remember that the sun is coming up to illuminate the shapes that make up your face and remind you that you are outer space wrapped up in flesh like a Christmas present. You are an IED. You are ripping apart at the seams with a world we don't know about,

a place only you can take us. show us.

You're bigger than them.

They can only hurt you if you tell them where the knives are. You don't belong to them. They're the invaders.  The debris in the hurricane is not the hurricane, it's just something it picked up from somewhere else.

you are not what happens in your hurricane at three am and you are not alone in that place however much you might feel like you are. we are there together and we are bigger than they are.







lOVE
kATE

103 comments

  1. KKKAAAATTTTEEEEEE!!!! dude what is this??? I can't handle your writing. I just don't understand how this could come out of a hUMAN BRAIN. WHO ARE YOU??? this is so touching and just asdfghjkl. I can't handle this. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my goshh :') thank you, Aaliyah, IM GONNA CRY OVER HERE, YOU. thank you

      Delete
  2. ^ AALIYAH SAID IT PERFECTLY. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COME UP WITH ALL OF THESE MASTERPIECES.

    Agh. I can't handle it, I just can't. XD Perfect. Perfect perfect perfect. That's honestly all that I can say. <3 <3 <3 *sends you millions of hugs and waffles*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *sends you millions of waffles and hugs and whipped cream and doughnuts*

      :''') GRACE ANNE, YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING <3 thank you!

      Delete
  3. Your writing is so gorgeous and this is beautiful. This was amazing and now I have all the emotions <3 Thank you for sharing this!

    Elizabeth
    http://whimsicalthoughtss.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you soo much, Elizabeth :''') so encouraged by your sweet words

      Delete
  4. haven't been following your blog for too long, and your posts are always awesome, but this - I have so much love for this. <3 I needed to hear it, and to share it with people too. you've really got powerful encouragement, empathy, and a gift to touch people right where it's important in your writing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andrea, your comment touched my heart and filled it with joy. Your words mean so so SO much. :') I am so blessed. Thank you so much, supernova girl!

      Delete
  5. KATE. KATE. Kate. This is so beautiful, okay, and so much exactly how I feel. How it feels to live in a mind that won't let you rest. You have managed to not only articulate what it feels like to play soldier in your head, but also managed to paint a perfect picture of hope. Amazing. Just amazing.

    "an executioner's block on which their blood will be shed because they don't own the burning bush behind your forehead, you do."

    "don't tell them where the knives are
    turn on the light."

    ^^fave lines right there

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "How it feels to live in a mind that won't let you rest" soooo much solidarity rn. Dang dang dang. <3 it's an exhausting freaking life in the mind. XD Your words literally are life to my bones. LOVE YOU, GIRL.

      Delete
  6. *SSSSSSSSSCCCCCRREEEEEAAAAMMMMMSSSS*

    ReplyDelete
  7. im actually screaming this is FIRE (IS THERE A STRONGER WORD THAN THAT BECAUSE I NEED IT RIGHT NOW) LIKE. DANG. I DON'T HAVE WORDS.

    ReplyDelete
  8. honestly you are just like such an awesome human i can't even handle the fact that God hand crafted you i'm freaking out xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. literally the tears were stinging as I read your comments. <3 Thank you so much, girl, My heart is so full rn. You are a supernova human.

      Delete
  9. This is beautiful and strong and true and so so brave. And important. Kate, you are writing things that MATTER. (And ps you are so cool. I die.) Love this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU ARE THE COOLEST OLIVIA. :') you've no idea how much that means to me. So encouraged <3

      Delete
  10. KATIEEEEEEEEEEE
    this is absolutely gorgeous.
    like tears and feels gorgeous.
    So please keep writing. We love your words. Know that you are being used in amazing ways.
    xoxoxoxo,
    -elissa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh my goodnessss, thank you so much. I can't even describe how much your comment made my day, Elissa.

      Delete
  11. I've only just found your blog but I know that I'll be a regular. This it so close to home in my soul. The words that poured of your heart are some we could all use to hear quite often. Never stop writing!

    xx,

    JacyRayn

    ReplyDelete
  12. *opens mouth*
    *closes mouth*
    *DIES*
    WWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAT. DID. I. JUST. READ.
    not even kidding i was CRYING. i didn't even realize until i read i for like, the FOURTH time how much i REALLY REALLY needed to hear this.
    "you are not the demons" <THAT.
    please don't ever stop writing. PLEASE. this is beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AMAZING. Are there any other words?
    I need more words

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh my goodness, *i* need more words because thank you isn't enough <3 so blessed

      Delete
  14. I needed this this week. Thank you for writing this. "They are echoes. They
    are not you. You are not the demons and you don't belong to them....you're not three am. you're just passing through" I need to remind myself of this more often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Elizabeth Anne, thank you so much <3 I feel so blessed that this meant something to you-- and your words means soo so so much to me <3

      Delete
  15. This is incredible. So real and true and so very important to remember. Beautiful.

    Serena | poetree

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you SO much, Serena! ♥ that means a lot to me

      Delete
  16. This is so hard to remember sometimes.
    But, ah. Reading this gave me wings!

    ReplyDelete
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